If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
