So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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