i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
