Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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