HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
