1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
