some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
