Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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