She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
