i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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