it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
