My first STD was from a foam party
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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