Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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