Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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