When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
