i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
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she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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