If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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