There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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