y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
