her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
