so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
