Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
