You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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