Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize
