i wish my penis had a tongue
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
