You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
