Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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