90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
honey bunches of taint.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
