Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
