Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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