The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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