I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
