Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
