Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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