oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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