Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
