I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
