last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
