I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I need moral support for this bender
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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