you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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