trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
