I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
