no, he came in my armpit
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
