To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
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I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
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And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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