she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
