Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
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Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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