I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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