whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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