We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
