i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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