Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
