Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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