dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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